she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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