Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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