i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
