I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
