and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
