I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize