I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
