like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
