He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
