just come out here and I will go home with you...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
