tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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