We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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