nut hugger
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
