I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize