I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
