you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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