Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize