I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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