Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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