I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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