I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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