His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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