I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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