My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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