you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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