Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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