whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she peed on how many people?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
