Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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