And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
