Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize