i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
