You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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