What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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