Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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