4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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