Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
