the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
