i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
