garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
