I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
