So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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