How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
