He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
