Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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