just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
