I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
