Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need to calm my uterus...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
