If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
