Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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