The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
