Michael Bay diarrhea
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
