when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
