Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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