I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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