i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
