I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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