eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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