WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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