I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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