WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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