I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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