You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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