A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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