just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
