there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
