also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
time to smoke my breakfast
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
